Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
