It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
