I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
