I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
