dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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