mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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