lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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