my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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