That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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