Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
