Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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