just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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