I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
her vagine was all disorganized.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
