pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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