I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
