So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
