Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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