i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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