Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
