I am puke
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
