One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
