I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
as a side note pls kill me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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