i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
of course. lets lasso hookers.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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