I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
