My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
