the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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