"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
