you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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