ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
