We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
high people should be assigned attendants
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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