His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
