Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
