Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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