I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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