big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
