my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
