Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Someone came in the potted fern
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
