Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He better not be in your backpack
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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