The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
