some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
how drunk are you?
Several
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
