i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
