Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
