u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
