Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
