things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
