All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you win again, gameday.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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