i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
