If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize