I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
