I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
