Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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