The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
