I CAN MOONWALK!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
