Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
