No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
