She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
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