im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
