is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
