Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
