you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
