my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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