How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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